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its been awhile

So ive finally got off of my ass and decided instead of drinking booze and smoking my life away i need to find something to do, so when my parents do go off on a sad day and when i do travel a shitton in the future i wont be stuck being an old haggard grocery cart lady, not knocking them but i dont want to die on the streets, i want the freedom of settiling down when i fucking feel like it, thus said, im going to denver school for massage therapist and going to stay for 7 months and become certified!

Ill be starting on may 26th and have to work my ass off and trade the beer for books. Which is fine, because when im done with this im guaranteed placement for life, most people who go there graduate, everybody is realllllllllllllly friendly and the hippie lady who got me to enroll brags about me. Basically, if i do this for myself i can travel all i want. I mean outside of america and all, i will be true and do the train thing and shit somemore and drift around, but i wont ever be stuck. I dont know if i got scared into doin it, but it sounds like fun. Plus i wont have backpain if i teach graham how to do it, and did i mention i can go whereever the fuck i want? Gee, i know whats inspiring me to do this. Oh and this place has free yoga classes which is cool . I went in and i got covered for financial aid with about 5,140 dollars. Which is real sweet cause if i didnt get much grants than i would have to find a different school. Which i looked around and they all suck and this one teaches 11 styles and i get a free table. Im very scared and nervous and shit and will probably be on hiatus from shows and the usual, but im also kind of bored of denvers scene anyways so i dont really care.

The lovers working at subway now making crap but i dont care i get free sammitches and he gets out of my hair for awhile. We also decided to start a garden with cucumbers, chives, sweet tomatoes, those beefsteack macho tomatos and peppers. Im excited, i love rollin around in the dirt so its gonna rock. Another thing to keep my band off of shit for the time being. I dont even care if shit grows, i just want to be outside more and doing shit. My bands coming together sometimes and sometimes not. I dont know im gonna have a lot of shit on my plate in the next comin months. Ick!
Fuck you live journal :p Who reads my shit anyway?

aw shit

its been like 5 weeks since i posted? Ah well nobody reads this anyways! Im excited to hang out with my buddies nick and crystal tomarrow for new years. Im not happy that the year is ending, infact im very nervous, This whole year has had so many ups and just a couple downs, ive never had that, this is the best year ive had in my life. I dont want it to end, but it will. Lets see now, living at the venue, moving out of the venue after cops shut us down, moving to leahs, having an abortion, dealing with scott(2)s retarding fucking douchebag ass, traveling to abq, cali, nevada, utah, wy, than back here. Having our so called friends not house us when they said we had a home to come back to! (LIARS!) sleeping in their back yard and getting soaked by rain, partying.........................uh, going back to my moms, and losing motivation and giving up on myself?

Great year actually, shitty ending. Drink tomarrow

CHristmas was cool i got a watermelon lookin ukulele, we have our band thats going to start rolling soon
me- uke/vox
graham- accoustic guitar/vox
trenton- bucket and sticks?/vox

sounds great. Well, it wont sound great, were calling ourselves trainwreck, cause we love choo choos and love wrecking good songs! Eventually do our own once we get the swing of things

thats it, im bored, theres whiskey downstairs i will drown myself in it :(


Been a little bit, but the last week was pretty fun. Me and graham went to trentons house for my birthday and ended up staying for a couple days and was loads of drunk. Tons of bloody marys, tons of coca cola if you catch my drift. Good times. My mom got me a cool up hat a couple books and an ac/dc cd which was fucking awesome. Graham bought me an expensive heart necklace cause hes sweet and spoils my lazy ass. Its almost thanks for taking day And usually being a vegetarian i deny myself turkey of course and brown gravy on the potatos. Fuck that, im having some brown gravy its fucking good damnit! I deserve to treat myself ive been v for almost 4 years i dont give a fuck.
I feel crappy and my body hurts because its freezing outside. My knee cap is split in half and it gets horrible when its cold out, very painful!
This sundays going to be really awkward for me, Its grahams nephews birthday so were going go to chucky cheeses and grahams ex wife and daughter are going to be there too. Im gonna feel weird and probably just stuff my face and have no one to talk to the whole time. Great, im stoked. :(

Im so stoked for my birthday my moms buyin me jack keroac "dharma bums", "riding the rails" two conducter union pacific hats which are fucking sweet. and a compass for the next trip. Finding true north with a stick and the sun is okay but when the tracks bend its confusing .

I want to get out. I feel lonely and i dont know if i still...want something anymore. I think im just freaking out because im getting older and just tired and fed up and feel trapped inside the four walls. Somebody said something nice to me last night so i like that.

The mans at work right now and i guess ill do the same thing i do every friday go and pick him up buy some beer and do teh same fucking thing and just hang out at home. How fun. My lifes so fucking awesome right now. Its gonna snow on monday. My friends wanna play football but its gonna be cold out so they will probably pus out on me. Hopefully i have a good birthday. I havent been feeling well lately. My body aches in weird places my face hurts for some reason and romance sucks. Or maybe i just dont realize what i have in life.

Im definietely going back on the road in the summer though. I dont care. Its the only thing i can think about anymore. Im going to go crazy.

Halloween was fucking awesome! Me ajay and graham went to the blastomat dressed up as joker, joker 2, and poison ivy. I dont remember which bands played last night but we had a lot of fun. We stashed our pbr 30 pack and bottle of kentucky delexe but somebody found it and drank half of it. Everyones costumes were dank. One guy was jesus and carried around his cross, jamie was a dickchopper, and so on and so forth. It irritates me when not that many people dress up! Its okay yeah i know your fucking crust as fuck whatever, you can still wear a damn costume once a year! I dont remember most of it all i know is im broke as fuck once again and i know i had a great time. We didnt get to kill the batman but oh well. I always love hanging out with old roommates. I saw a couple of people who i havent talked to for a while and they were wondering why and when i came back they pretty much made it clear to us that they were fed up with us so fuck i didnt want to be friends its stupid drama all the time. We'll probably end up going over there this week sometime though. Im planning on playing football on my barfday on the 10th and gettin slammed. I need to stop eating so many brownies!

barf. Ive been sick for like a week almost i think i have the stomach flew. It sucks having to try to sweat it out, and having a hangover too. I guess ill drink the 40 after i pick the old man up and maybe watch a movie.
   I really need to start working on the next chapter of my book. Its coming along really well im excited.
this week hasnt been too bad. Nothing much happened i worked on my book somemore and have moved on the chapter two Im excited but it sucks trying to map out all the towns and all the shit that happened in them and all the rides of the nameless faces that i forgot. Im excited halloween is on the way and me and graham are gonna have a fuckin field day getting drunk at blastomat and watching a show and passing out somewhere on the stage like we did last time. I got stuff to look forward to. Graham is making me a medicine/prayer bag which im excited for. I love when people make me things and this will mean a lot to me.

-halloween 10/31
-new president (hopefully not the really bad one...ugh) 11/04
-My birthday 11/10
-Our anniversary 11/11

than murder of native american feast day. Which we all know and love as thanksgiving. I really liked 2008 i learned a lot and went through some outlandish shit!
So far its been a great week. The man got paid and bought me 2 new tires that i needed for sure or id probbaly be in an accident eventually. We went out to his work and drank a few good beers , watched the game and ate good food. A carton of ciggarettes and some nasty whiskey. Left me with a nasty hangover. Ive been feeling pretty off all day and i need to work on my book somemore but ive been lazy. Maybe tomarrow im hoping we can go downtown and hang out with erika and aj and a few buds and take pictures of the denver train yard. Maybe eat some seitan wings and chillax.

Hopefully that works out :)

the storms a comin

I feel all moody today. Ive almost got my first chapter of my book done. Its more nerveracking than i thought, of course i didnt expect it to be a piece of cake but god damn. Im not gonna rush myself, my friend aj said that writing a book is like cooking tofu...you got to wait a minute and make it perfect. haha.

today its really cold out, i hear its going to snow but the weather channels are always wrong. My fucking tires to my gas guzzling shit car are really crappy. I have to drive with a spare cause one of the tires was all wobbly. I dont know anything about cars. I hope it doesnt snow i dont really feel like dying. I yelled at my boyfriend before he went to work and hes all pissy. I want some hot cocoa...or a beer. Either one does the trick!
i dont like being broke it sucks no beer, shitty gonna go spange tomarrow i guess. Im excited today was fun, and I've decided to begin writing a book about my first travel, i dont see too many out there and I think it would be fun and an interesting story. Very excited..and overwealmed. So much to include and so many times im going to get pissed off for being drunk a lot of the trip...hmm.

Gotta start doin it though, if i miss the itch this is a good way to kinda cure it...well not exactly but it'll do for now...
Spent today watchin football, i use to hate football. But its fun and i like seeing my states team kick ass, usually they always suck it but 4-1 is okay for now.  40 in the fridge i think ill save it for later, watchin the idiot box and reading jack kerouac "on the road" which is pretty cool. I have to go to the library tomarrow and help graham register to vote cause its the deadline...not very anarchyey but oh fuckin well. Im bored.

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March 2009


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